i like the way you used the bottle of wine to complete the circle!

I agree with Pyropunk. And I like how with such a short scene the reader is introduced to so many characters.
Thanks for entering!!!

This reminds me of a story I loved as a kid about some child jumping on a mattress, and then it fell through the floor, and it kept going through all different kinds of apartments….

In other words, I loved the nostalgic feel it had for me. I only had a little problem with the way it was written.

I’m not sure if you were aiming at not having any capital letters. I liked the rushed feel it had as it was falling, but before that it seems out of place for me.

But still, great piece!

wow that is kewl good story

The lack of capital letters and punctuation was a rather clumsy and obvious way of trying to show that things are happening quickly and we’re entering each scene mid-(non)event.

It’s a bit of a lazy trick but I am admittedly an often lazy writer!

I actually like the lazy trick, it worked for me to portray glimpses of events instead of a linear narrative, as it were!

I think I want to try my hand at this challenge, but I am stumped for a novel take on it.

I’d like to see Patricia Gale’s life explored.

monkeybomb – a Patricia Gale themed sequel would not be unwelcome, I cannot deny it.

I like the concept, it’s fun, interesting, very spatial. It lacks the ambiance I usually like in a “non-event” type piece, but I think that’s an unavoidable consequence of the concept.