Looking forward to reading more.

Dystopic science-fiction, I’m already interested. Your style is quite solid, and I enjoy the back-and-forth antagonistic dialogue between the characters. Looking forward to more!

I particularly like the “Federal Bureau of Social Engineering”. They just never learn, do they? ;)

Minor notes:
siting —> sighting

“Why guns?” he asked.

^ no capitalization on ‘guns’.

“I don’t know Tommy,” said Sid. “This one is bad… there are Feds on the street. I got a bad feeling.”

^ need a space after the ellipses, and no apostrophe in ‘Feds’.

Overall, nicely done!

Catcher; Thanks! I have a few more coming soon.
Miles; thanks so much for the proofread…I really appreciate those types of comments. I normally write “siting” in my day job (site plans), and I ran out of space so I deleted the space :).

I went ahead and added some other minor edits as well.

Fantastic stuff!

Well that got decidedly more dire. I like the subtle details, like the new federal agency, to put the action in a different setting. Way to load the dice to make whatever happens more important.

I think to keep it all together, you could remove motherfucker and drop the rating.

I envision teens texting so much through the generations between now and then, they might say MOFO and not really know what it means.

Look how the Harry Potter movies turned the word Muggle into that movies version of the N word.

You have a chance to create your own swear words, have at it,

Very well written. I’ve got here a little late so everything’s already been said. But the repetition of ‘bad’ annoys me =S I guess that’s just personal preference though.

It’s a nice piece of action, neatly balanced with the dialogue (which is appropriate – and I personally think that inventing swear words takes away the sincerity of any writing…all examples of it, I think, are found in comedy.

Abby x

Abby: nice catch on the ‘bad’; it was an inadvertent repetition. I took the first one out and it fits better as stopping point for Sid to think about what he was going to say…adds to his conflict a bit. Thanks!