hello to those who enjoy a little fantasy in their lives and to those who enjoy to read and write as i do. i hope whoever reads my efforts will enjoy my enthusiasm into with which i write. this will be but one of the many parts to a collective whole. thank u and happy reading & writing.

Nice set up and situation with a few hints and rivalries and politics. You seem to be setting up the story to be less about vampires vs humans and more about vampires vs other vampires.

Grammar points: The comma after, “…a legion of his bloodline,” is distracting and probably doesn’t need to be there. Also, couldn’t see a need for the ellipses at the end of the first paragraph.

Seems a little disjointed to me. I think you have tried to put too much into the limited format of the story, and as a result lose the thread.

Maybe it is just me, but zombies, vampires and other undead just don’t interest me all that much. But that is me. They certainly seem to resonate with lots of folks, at least judging by all the media coverage since interview with a vampire came out.