Really cool take on zombies; I like it. Favourite part is the paragraph beginning “It was always going to be like this”, which is brilliantly accepting of something so bizarre.

Minor point – there seeems be something odd happening with the tense in the penultimate paragraph, although it may be deliberate. To me it would read more smoothly as follows, with the line break at the end as well.

“She feels the numbness that follows the painkillers she took an hour ago. She’s getting down to the last of them, and when they are gone that will make what comes next even harder. She’ll make do.

She grips the knife."

Delightfully macabre story though.

Thanks, you’re right. I made the decision to change it to present tense and missed that paragraph. Fixed.

cool

No problem!

Present tense is the right choice. Makes it seem like a daily routine and almost gives the impression of being an observer watching this happen on the street.

I’ve thought about this situation before, albeit in a more realistic context

super cool story, skulldogg

daily routine is spot-on

something she’s ritualized and rationalized to deal with the horror of it

Without the first comment I wouldn’t have realized that this is about zombies. But for that, it’s very nicely done. Great work!

What, no more faux-fic? I was waiting for a delightfully earnest and footnoted Smallville opus…

I kid because I care. It’s great to see more writing like this from you.

Zombies have been done to death … which is why I particularly appreciate fresh takes on an undead premise. Like Spiderj, I like the inevitability of this couple’s situation. Not resignation, but the understanding that when you’re deeply in love, you’re going to have to keep it alive through the coming cancer. Or zombification. Because that’s what happens.

I like the unconventional situation to portray a very classic act of love and commitment and how universal it is. Favorite bit is the ending.

It really wasn’t clear to me that this was about zombies.

aside from it being entered in the ZOMBIES!!! challenge and being tagged with the word ZOMBIE, you mean?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/subtle

oh my god this was good what a vivid image bravo

wow, Skull Man it really wasnt clear. It was a good ficlet thought. You were quick on the defensive weren’t you? With the link of defining zombie like she is some idiot or something. Wasn’t that Lone Writer she was doing? defending her ficlet? It is a good thought to ponder isn’t it.

bluesparrow, the difference is that my criticism of her story was apt and concise, whereas hers of mine is just a spiteful retaliation that shows she can’t put two and two together

I’ve read quite a few stories about zombies, and more than a couple about zombies being kept around by being regularly fed human flesh, but this is honestly a pretty original premise. I like the descriptions of how they’ve spent some time together before he developed his condition. The “my love” at the end seems a tad cliche, but that may be a personal thing. Maybe some sort of pet name would sound better there? I don’t know.

You’re right, cent. It’s really the only line in there I’m not a hundred percent about. I’m going to try to think of something better.

This was delicously macabre. I hadn’t inititally noticed the fact that you’d written for the zombie challenge, but I think that made much more intense to read.

Great little story, Skull dude. The sentence with “some kind of sick” is probably my favorite takeaway from it.

It’s tricky to have a story this short that’s surprising without being contrived, but the first half’s honesty about the reality of a long-term relationship is so spot-on as to completely misdirect in a way that doesn’t feel like cheating.

“Well done,” is I guess what I’m saying here.

Babygoose is just unusual enough as a term of endearment to strike a realistic tone for me, so I think it’s a good change from “my love.” I agree with LeRoy about the misdirection; you know something’s awry but it’s hard to place precisely.

“babygoose” elevates this to the heights.

I would have also liked “sweet-cheeks”, “jigglypuff” or “you delicious strumpet”.

i like it without reservations!

skully i wouldnt change a thing

thanks, everyone

“babygoose” is art imitating life; it’s what my girl calls me

I figured, what’s more real than real?

hey skully you cant give your own piece five stars hehehehehehehehehehehe

haha, I just wanted people to go into it with the right attitude intially

from now on, I will not rate my own stories

you’ve got my word

Hey, wait a minute, I’m not being spiteful! It really wasn’t clear to me!
And also, I’m not one of those people who read tags, I only realized it was about zombies after I saw other people’s comments and the challenge it was in.

Please don’t think I’m being spiteful, its not how I roll. Also its not like I gave you a one, it was a good story, I just didn’t understand.

@Blu
Calm down, girl. You know I love you, but I can fight my own battles ok? Love you for being nice!

you’re right, it’s just that was coming off the heels of our whole “deal” in the thread of your story

we cool, we cool

this is pretty sweet, skullster. a great original take on the tired zombie fad

I’m going to go ahead and agree; it’s hard to tell that this is about a zombie when taken at face value. Describing him as “wolfish” threw me off for a moment, and I was coming here to say that.

It’s still really touching

I didn’t realise it was about zombies until I checked the tags, but that doesn’t detract from the story.

You paint such a bizarre scene with tenderness and … well… eew.

Fantastically crafted. Pushed all the right buttons for me.

Right. Now I need to wash my brain out with saltwater…

Bravo. I haven’t read any of the other entries for the Zombie Challenge yet but this looks like an extremely formidable entry.

Great job of easing the reader into the increasing bizarreness and horror of the situation before the human cannibalism hits. I’m glad I actually didn’t know about the zombie topic going into this as that made the reveal at the end quite surprising.

!!

I must say that the overall story does not make it clear that it is about zombies. I don’t read tags or pay much attention to the side bar, so that it doesn’t give the story away. Also, because I don’t know like anything on zombies I couldn’t make that connection. It’s good alone to take your own interpertation on what is going on, but if you meant it to be specifically about zombies… next time you could be a little more clear, in my opinion at least. Although I did like this story, as I said =)

I didn’t think it was about zombies until she fed him her flesh. At that point it clicked.

Well done sir. I would buy from you again.

thanks for the compliments, guys

really I guess it’s a stylistic choice

I could have made the second line “Things had been pretty crazy since Jake became a zombie,” but I feel like that would have detracted from the tenderness and the eventual reveal

Came buckets.

But I think we’re all tiptoeing around the fact that we need more B.A.D.D. SQUAD sequels up ins this bitch.

hate you for having the featured story you talented bitch

featured story? awesome!

Five pencils, and now I need to go be somewhere this story isn’t. Goddamn that’s unsettling.

I can’t not love this. Utterly remarkable.

Congrats on feature-dom!! Definitely a fresh take on zombies. And don’t change it to make it more clear. That would take away from the surprise factor of it all. Even if someone (like me) doesn’t realize it was about zombies, it could still be atouching, if slightly disgusting, story about some weird disease, haha.

As someone who doesn’t read tags and/or challenges until after I’ve read the story for fear of spoilers, I didn’t get the Zombie link at first either, but unlike the others, I don’t care.

The reasons why he his chained and she is feeding him is a moot point, its the fact she does it, and does so lovingly is the point of the story.

One of the best stories, and certiainly the most heartfelt I have read on ficly.

PS, youre still rating your story!!

once you rate it any comment shows that rating, but I don’t think they add up

I’d remove the rating if I could, but I’m hardly going to mark my own story as a one or something

I had no idea this was about zombies until I looked at the challenge it was entered in. Subtlety is king!

Upon first reading it I didn’t realize until the very end… and even then it took a few minutes to figure out what was actually going on, t’register it, y’know? I have to say, I haven’t been that shocked in a while. On the other hand, it was very clear that it was a ritual act done out of love. The subtlty was the crowning facet of this piece. Very, very well done.

Especially after that whole commentage fiasco, consider me most impressed with your skill.

It’s perfectly clear that it’s about zombies, or at least something like zombies, completely from internal evidence. Anything more would be a Buckley.

I like the “babygoose”. It implies an endearing sort of cute intimacy that juxtaposes the macabre of the rest of the piece. I also enjoyed the parallel between him being a grotesque mockery of his former self and her perpetual self-mutilation.

The third para seems to imply some sort of perverted hope that he is, in some way, still functional and still loves her and, even more, that mundane problems will still register, will still matter. It sort of weakens the “It will always be like this”, but tells us that she hasn’t given in completely to despair. Then there’s the dwindling painkillers. By looking forward indefinitely it implies, at least to me, that there is no real hope of any sort of return to normalcy.

The rhythm in the penultimate para seems off, but I’m not sure how.

I didn’t understand why it was tagged “Zombies” until the end.
Well done.

Well played, sir. Well played.

This is about as touching as a story about someone feeding their flesh to the undead can be. Well done.

cool story, the dynamics of your comments are fun to read, a story in themselves

Wow man, just wow. Also a little eww. That is all.