I think that this isn’t bad. Although I think some of your sentences are wordy and they can be either rephrased, spit with a comma or split into 2 different sentences.

Cute story, a little cliche on love, but cute nonetheless. Just needs some polish.

Although structured as a poem, this must definately be read as a story…an emotional journey. And therefore I do not criticise phrasing or sentence length.

Changing any part of this would somewhat alter the nature of the challenge. I love the last paragraph. Adorable statement of love. Yes, cliche. But love kind of is cliche =).
Abby x

thanks for the comments! I’m not used to writing happy things, so I guess I need to work on how to not be cliche haha.

Sweet tale of a hesitantly begun love affair. Very sweet ending to it as well.

I feel like only the last verse works in the format of a poem.

I agree with Abby, there isn’t much of love that doesn’t fall into one cliche or another.

I love the story. So common, and yet so intimate.