This may be my first zombie story I’ve ever read.

& I just want to say that I love it.
At first, I won’t deny it, I thought this was gonna be a runaway romance that ends in a cliffhanger saying that they’re on the run and escaping danger and blah blah. I was happy to be proven wrong, and this is neatly written. I think it’s kind of weird that the guy will sort of have his own suicide because he can’t live like how he has been and he knows death is inevitable.

really cool.
& I love the comment you wrote about him seeing the sun, it’s the cherry on top for me.

The last line is so different from the rest it made my eyes flinch. I liked it up till then.

I kept wanting to skim down to see what “they” were. It intrigued me. But I agree with PJ that the bluntness of the final line detracted attention from the focus of zombies themselves. For me, it lacked a little action.

However, the characters are good and the relationship between them is well established. Nice dialogue between them too and that middle paragraph contains some great imagery.

The hopelessness makes it sad, beyond the horror. In my view, a very enthralling piece.
Abby x

thanks everyone! yeah i agree with you guys about the last line. i’ll try not to make that mistake again haha

I think you could just delete off the last line and be fine. Your characters and their desperation stand on their own, whatever the nature of the threat of the “them” involved. Good horror has less to do with which monster and more to do with how much you care about the people being threatened by them. That part, you nailed.

thanks THX. yeah i just edited