Not my best work, in my opinion. Still a bit rusty after school started, but I’ll get back into the flow gradually :)

I thought it was a lovely moment and beautifully told. Maybe a bit choppy or the flow was disrupted somehow, a very subtle issue if one at all. Great entry into the challenge and makes me curious what the song is.

Hm, I was thinking that as well, I just can’t seem to pick it out… I believe it might be the 5th paragraph? I’m going to add something to it right now.

And the song is Follow Sound by Deas Vail. :)

I think you’re being hard on yourself. This is a sad, beautiful moment. The entire piece had quite a lyrical feel to it so I disagree with THX…I liked the flow (I kinda read it like I would a poem) but then I guess you’ve already changed it so…

Nice way of popping the lyrics in there. Sixth paragraph was my favourite.
Abby x

very nice! good imagery and the last line is very uplifting :)

Moment between sleep and wide awake fit’s well with the flow, it is a confusing state of mind, therefor really hard to capture.

I remember waking up like this many times after my partner died. In between R.E.M. and awareness, I knew he was somewhere else in the house. I wasn’t sad about his death, I would start crying because I was disappointed; for one fleeting moment he was real, probably standing in front of the open fridge….that’s what ghosts are.

I like the tone, it feels meaningful, powerful. The first two paragraphs really had me feeling for someone I barely knew, but I felt the third paragraph was tough to understand, so I fell out of the story. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t know who’s words are in her chest or why, so it’s tough to maintain empathy.

@32 Squared, this comment had me thinking for quite some time. I really am having trouble trying to explain it right now, but your words struck a chord in me, as though I’ve felt them before… but anyways, thank you for the comment, as always they make my day :) And I’m sorry for your loss, I hope things have gotten better since then.

@Neil, I’m glad you liked what you did, and I appreciate the thoughts. So, basically, they’re his words, growing in her chest like words or screams are wont to do. It’s just a feeling I’ve always been fascinated by, the sensation of having words you want to say that seem to be rising from your very lungs until you can no longer contain them. A secret, a cry, a guilty confession. But I completely understand what you mean, I’ll definitely work fluency and such :)

And @, well, everyone, thank you very much! All of your comments always make my day :) (Plus a small shout out of good luck to those doing NaNo!)