Technically they’re all simile … :P
Also the last line is a syllable short of the rest of them.

Beyond that. I like the premise and I love the similes. Similes are smilies.

This made me laugh. I felt a bit crazy, guffawing at the monitor by myself, but that 6th line, that killed me. (Not the being dead part. The reference to the Dalai Lama. Just to clarify. :3) But all of the lines were great, I loved this! It was both incredibly funny and incredibly relatable, in my opinion.