Ah he just couldn’t resist. I really like both of the characters in this, they’re developing very well. So am I going to get another sequel or are you just going to leave me hanging?

I think you’re missing a ‘the’ in the second last paragraph. ‘Flew out THE doors?’ You also need to make ‘look’ in the last para past tense like the rest of the tale.

’Seperated’mshould be ‘separated’.

Anyhoo…nice development. Has a ‘dum dum duuum’ feeling to it…which is great!
Abby x

Your friend must have been pretty upset. Great tension to it, and a hilarious visual. I liked the random reference to childhood games thrown in.

Yes, I said “thrown in”. Comments can have puns too.