This doesn’t really strike me as proper creative fiction.

Or particularly appropriate.

Please don’t proselytize – there are enough ways to get your point across in writing without coming off like a fundy t.v. spot.

ditto on the pro whatever
you are a writer its your job to make the reader feel the beat without having to spell it out

I dig ya’ll..! Good look on the critique.
Sneaky

As to style, I’d drop the itallics except when you really, really need them. Drop the present tense in the third line and anything spoken in the first person. Really, drop the sermons, man. When you write you should try to be the “whitnessing angel,” above the story, not passing judgement on anyone. You have to let the reader form their own opinion, and if the reader feels like you’re trying to make that decision for you they’re going to chafe.

Try to lead your readers to conclusions by showing cause and effect instead of just straight telling them what to think.

I can tell this comes from someplace very real. Continue to write with passion and you’ll be great one day. I’m looking forward to it.

oh look at you skully did you take some kind of ficly sensitivity class.lol
signed your biggest fan
mjy

All I have to say is that I love the last line.

Your right my boy, my man..? I like this I get to keep coming back to my writing and get new ideas.

Please, nobody likes chafing. I feel the same way when someone preaches something to my face. Only thing that makes me chafe more than this is probably this level on BioShock that I can’t beat.

This is exactly the first thing that comes to mind when reading the title for this challenge. Someone HAD to do it; write this angle.
Yeah so it was opinionated. Your protagonist is a dry storyteller, so? The point was the last line. No one else used that (I think) in their entries.

I could’ve found a happy medium between the 2 though.

Elsha did you do something different with your hair or get thinner? Man that picture sure looks sweet.

As a recovered alcoholic and philanderer, I disagree with your sentiment. However, as Penn Jillette says (forgive my paraphrasing): if you believe in your heart of hearts that this sort of behavior will lead to eternal damnation, it’s almost your duty to share it with the world.

In the third line you have written: “like that makes the part any more fun.” I believe you meant to say “party” instead of “part.”

did you really say eternal damnation? i just quit drinking a few months ago but i haven’t heard the phrase eternal damnation since prison damn that was a flash back, hey john were we in prison together? wait dont answer that.

MJY, I doubt it. I only had two stints in prison, but neither one for more than a few days. And never in Mississippi. Though I was stationed at Keesler Air Force base for six months in Biloxi. That was kind of like prison.

Um, yeah, the story:
John drags slowly on a cigarette, then coughs awkwardly. “It was cool.”

I’ve seen this story happen before, many times. Philanderers most don’t have kids. Kids without a father figure, I think you still have to be a part of your kids life, you don’t have to be married.

though some do mess up.

I thought the last line was the only one worth a damn.

damn Alexa ain’t cuttin corners.

A very well known story in this lifetime.

This isn’t horrible but it could definitely be better. In this case I think you spelled it out a little too much.

It reminds me of pamphlets/posters in high school guidance offices or an after school special.

It also reminds me of some random poem that floated around the internet a few years ago, idr all of it, just that it talked about “a son with no last name” “a father who left” and “a mother that’s a whore, just because the condom tore.”