Ooh this is just screaming out for a sequel. It vaguely reminded me of the film ‘Minority Report’ but that’s probably just because it involves seeing the past/future and it was on my mind anyway. Lolz.

I felt that the transition into action was a little bit rushed, but it’s very hard to smoothly go from narration to dialogue in such a short character limit so it’s really good taking that into account.

In the last line, for better drama, I would suggest getting rid of that first comma and then ending it “…and turned off Time.” It just has a slightly more ‘dum dum duuum’ feel to it. But that’s just a suggestion.

We would be nothing without history. I would always vote for the past over the future. I think Sam was right to do what he did. Hey, this could start a whole moral/social debate!

I’m really enjoying this challenge. It’s inspiring some really great pieces. Nice job.
Abby x

Totally agree on the transition, Abby. It was much longer, and I had a tough time getting it down to length, but I really didn’t want to add another sequel just to get it all in. So, I may have cut it a bit too harshly. I took your advice to edit the last line, so thanks for that. I think it does make it more snappy.

It’s funny, because the often repeat phrase from Star Trek, “…caught in a causality loop,” is what triggered this response. The concept of a present whose sole input is derived from future events (anticausality) got my mind flowing; a group of people who start raiding the past to destroy the input connections to our present time and replace them with future inputs, thereby allowing all present moments to have pre-determined outcomes…eak. Head a’sploded.

It could be a more sinister version of Minority Report; there is no crime because all future events have predetermined outcomes designed by a faceless group from far in the future. It’s probably already been done…