I think that last line would be better as, “I wouldn’t sleep this night”. Otherwise is a jarring jump to the present tense.

Otherwise great little story that remains in the moment but suggests a whole lot of other details and possibilities.

Or, even better ‘I didn’t sleep that night’ which would leave it open for continuation.

However, this is very eloquently written, especially the second paragraph. I like your spacing as well, keeping the last three lines entirely separate adds weight to their content.

I’m still trying to work out the story line in my head. The narrator seems to be quite a sad story, watching the joy from a distance but not joining in.
Nicely written.
Abby x

Thanks, to both of you.

I changed the first sentence to “yesterday” and the final sentence to “didn’t sleep”. Hopefully this works better.

When blue is gray and gray is blue; nice little Ficly!