That middle part got really muddled. I think it was the run-ons as well as a few contradicting things, like how he’s asking himself why he bet the cufflinks but then has no remorse. I think it just needs a run through to clean it up a little and you have a great potential storyline going, especially with the conniving sister…even if she does go cross eyed.

Hahaha, those are really good observations, and that contradiction you spotted is so embarassing… I’m having trouble keeping my character ‘in the world’ and not turning them into me who always lets things go really easily. “Cross-eyed”… hahaha… choice of verbs is important :)