Love it…

This is primed for a great sequel, I get a feeling he’s a ghost to himself, but coming out of a coma or something like that, after a year. And what brings him out of it? Worrying what his mother will think about all his guns…..

Thank’s ipe, a great twist!

whoa, so cool.
I figured something like he was going to plan a murder but it didn’t go according but then realizes that he’s dead but sort of stuck in the middle of death and life. a shadow if you will.
Really good, didn’t see that ending coming.

Thanks! I made a few of the recommended edits (thanks again), along with some other minor tweaks. It took me a while to come up with a concept, but once I realized that Mark was dead it sort of wrote itself. I hope some does a sequel (or a prequel, even).

That was lovely. Nice descriptions, and I thought the dialog worked, didn’t feel too forced or overly dramatic for the situation. Definite sequel potential.

Wow. I agree with THX that the dialog felt really smooth and natural and that’s always something I look for.
It’s chilling and cold too. The twist at the end the creepiest part.

I second the people above me. The dialog and the flow was so smooth that the twist was just downright chilling… The plot itself wasn’t particularly original, but your writing brought life to it. This is a gem.

My man! Badass story bro.