First story, probably quite childish but I have to start simple.

Firstly, welcome to Ficly. Secondly, don’t put yourself down – write what you want … it’s your story after all!

I would suggest, to start with, a little less action and a little more description. The character limit can be hard to get used to and often condenses stories down into their most basic form without allowing room for the little details that bring stories to life.

And simple is good =)

I would suggest spacing it out a little … putting a few blank lines here and there to make it an easier read.
Nice start,
Abby x

Silly and tragic. I think Abby hit the high points on style critique, so I’ll leave it at that. An amusing little story and idea.