I like this a lot better than the sequel. I think it’s because the writing is stronger.

The phrase New lies had to be created to preserve the world of existing lies on which his life had been founded. is a perfect picture of the depth of Mark’s despair. He has truly tunneled deep. Beautiful!

Not to nitpick, but I think you might want to change, “he made the decision” to, “he made a/his decision.” The former implies there is only one decision—which technically would be an action and not a decision.

Also, I do think you want the preposition into rather than the adjective in because the movement of gun to mouth is transitional, e.g., “I put the gun into my mouth” rather than static, e.g., “I looked at the gun in my mouth.”

Well done sir!

Ah, sharp eyes! :)

I went back and forth over a/the decisions. I was thinking that ‘the’ added to the depth of despair because he’d feel he only had one choice left. I’ll think on that edit…

Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated!

Your dialogue and characterization are always good! Describing the gun as beautiful brought across a lot of detail, as well as his feelings. The use of descriptions is especially apt!

Ouch, that was brutal. I had an inkling by about half way through, then I thought his fate was happily derailed, but no. He is dead. Nicely told, as sad a situation as it is.

I love how you get right to the point in these stories bro. No bullshit

I like how intense the ending is. very cool

Your tags made me laugh! It took me a little while to figure out exactly what was going on, but the dramatic ending really makes it work!

Great use of detail – makes it seem so much more real. The last line of the first paragraph is very cool – worth a quote that one.
Abby x (sorry for the late comment)