The thoughts you think before bed. (part 1)

Tonight, you begin by thinking about what would happen if you were diagnosed with terminal cancer, a recurring scenario in your thoughts lately. You imagine telling your best friends, wondering if they would cry, or be speechless or incredulous. You imagine telling your teachers, one by one, explaining to them, that maybe homework wasn’t a priority in your life, and so it might just not get done. A part of you greedily smacks its lips at the thought of the attention, and a part of you hates that part. Interestingly enough, your fantasy never gets to the bad part of cancer, the part when your in deafening pain, when you despair at your death,.

Then you imagine what a perfect version of myself would be. A version that was beautiful beyond compare, witty, smart. A version that, if she lived in a fantasy world, would be the best magician/witch/wizard, or would the best superpower imaginable. Then you hate yourself a bit more for not being that person.


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