Fourth line ‘past’ should be ‘passed’.

Another cute little piece. I think you’d get more attention in this if you separated it out into paragraphs. Structure, although not relevant to the linguistic adventures of ficly, is important to the reader.

This proves that you can write actions as well as emotions. Keep going!
Abby x

Thank you, all of your comments have been so helpful!

Holy crap….you just described my first crush in junior high! Ha very cool. This is my favorite piece of yours.