Your tags say it all – especially ‘strange’, but also very interesting. I would say that if you wanted to stick with the capitalisation of ‘him’ ‘his’ etc then you should go for all of them, because you’ve missed out a few – unless you intended to … in which case I eat my words (nom nom nom).

I’ve read it a couple of times and I’m still not sure exactly what’s going on, but your characterisation is really good.
Vampires? Am i getting there?

Also, ‘fears’ should be ‘feared’ in the second last sentence.
Nice lil piece.
Abby x

Thanks :3 Yeah they were all supposed to be capitalized! I need to proofread more thoroughly. I fixed it though!

In my mind it was a little piece about a mentally ill person who has said “dream” and in delusion, begins to murder people believing that it is the will of the devil. It was just a little something, didn’t spend too much time on it!

Thank you for all the comments on my stories. They’re really helpful and I appreciate them!

It reminds me of witchcraft. It’s definately written in that Medieval way – all long and strung out.

I adore the first paragraph. It is how God would seem to people, I think. Beautiful but in a transient way.

The second and third paragraphs, whilst telling a story, in no way live up to the first. The beautifully written lines are all but gone.
Satan became my lover in a mere matter of seconds.
That line really brained me. Although I am in love with the line:
It was not said in my language, yet I answered in the devil’s tongue.

I think it’s a piece with a lot of potential :) I hope I’m not too hard on you, I think that parts of this are so good.

Not hard at all! Thank you (: I appreciate all criticism, it is what will help me in becoming a better writer. It was a piece I wrote a while ago, maybe a year. I decided to throw it on here since I had kept it so long.