It’s always best, I find, to have contingency plans for the little quirks life throws at you. And one of these plans should always be to cope with the emergency of reverse evolution.

Yes. Oh, it happens. You’re happily cruising along through life, and suddenly you wake up one morning and BANG, you’re an orangutan or a spider monkey. Seen Winona Ryder in anything lately?? Hmm? Yeah – exactly. She’s a chimpanzee living in Borneo now. Lot of bananas go missing from the plantations, but they haven’t proven anything yet.

SO – there you are, suddenly a newly minted monkey. And the WORST part is, that monkeys – for reasons no one knows (and by ‘no one’ I mean ‘me’), throw poop. YES. Just like Richard Nixon used to do to the press. But, you know, if a monkey EVER dared to throw poop at me, I’d run off (with my monkey-hair full of poop) and I’d find the BIGGEST beating stick in the ENTIRE jungle…

And then I’d sit there. Looking at the stick. Because reverse evolution, turns out, doesn’t cure ADD.