It should be noted that this is indeed a rewriting of the story “A Reduction of Circumstance”. After heavy editing, I realized that the piece was so reworked that its rating and comments had been decontextualized. As such, I have posted this as a new story with a new title so it can be experienced afresh. Thank you for your patience with the never-ending process of artistic refinement.

An inspiring example of the strenuous re-writing process! This is a tremendous improvement compared to the first draft.

I would combine the sentences to make “The noise grew ever closer, yet still she saw nothing.” Too great a pause there slows the tension.

The phrases “bursting forward” and “crashed into” are redundant. Personally, I like the former.

Shortening these instances might allow space to intensify the impact of the violence at the end.