Wow! Incredibly subtle poetry structure. Line 11 needs to be separated at (“do you”). I also find it interesting that you continuously capitalize “He”,“His”, etc., something that in literary history is a common indicator that the subject is God.
Great piece, great submission.

Thank you for finding that gramm error memento, I’ve fixed it. The “He” is representing the characterization of the “demon” my father battles everyday. Abby wanted it to be substance and personified so I thought I’d do it that way.

Okay, so I was thinking about submitting a post for this challenge but damn, you leave me no chances to accomplish anything as awesome as that.
I love how you wrote this. love!
I’ve never had a alcohol problem but I’ve had other issues before, and this is a great way of describing how one would feel and why they do what they do.
Really great.

I liked the shift to being more angry and confrontational by the end of the story, coupled with the uplifting or hopeful message at the end. Serious topic and well done.

It’s quite a plea, not sure the name calling is supportive, however some people respond to that better than plain begging. This has a stream of consciousness feel to it, and the hope at the end is sweet, but it feels hollow, too.

The subtle rhyming proves that you are a true artist of words. The first burst of poetry in that fifth line made my day. Nice way of bringing the drink into it as a character which seems quite difficult in a piece as poetic and serious as this. The capitalisation of ‘he’ ‘him’ etc was excellent – almost made the alcohol all-powerful in my head.

I got the father/son thing before I read the tags although I’m not sure how I did now. I also read this, in a way, as a person talking to themself and telling them how stupid they’re being (although I know that’s not what you intended).

As always, good separation – your structure always makes pieces so much simpler to read. If there’s anything to look over again in this piece, it’s the 7th line which does not read quite so easily as the rest of the ficly. I think it’s just a little too long, or you’re a couple of syllabuls out from keeping the rhythm constant.

I like the aggression – think it highlights the issue very well. Thanks for entering =)
Abby x

abby as always you cut right to where it counts and i thank you for that. i really jumped into this challenge because of its connection to me.

as for the others thank you for your critique and assessment of my entries. im trying to get to that next level of writting and you’re all helping me achieve that.

Man, I’m not very good at commenting, but all I can say is I loved that. Very poetic, relatable, and I LOVE how you started it off so hopeless and then ended it by stating that they dont have to be dead inside. Amazing