A few notes, nothing terrible. In the second sentence, “slide” needs to be “slid” to maintain the past tense nature of the story. Also, I would recommend proper titles to have the first letter of each word capitalized, for example, “La Mano Uccidendo” for locations and “Bacio, The Huntress Of The Night” for story titles. It makes them more official.
Lastly, I strongly suggest we tag this and any of its sequels with 27819, the story number seen in the web address. If this continues for a long time, we need a way for people to be able to find the original story if they want to read it from the beginning.
I would love to join in with this sometime. The original idea really connected with me for some reason. I guess I just love all things assassin-y. Anyway…whether I take part or not I wish you guys the best of luck with this series. You’ve got a good theme and a good main character.
The tag idea is a very good one. Finding the beginning point of a series seems to be quite a big argument on Ficly at the moment. I also agree with all of Memento’s comment. In addition, I would suggest getting rid of the extra o’s on “hellooo” (and the extra l) – I thought it lowered the tone a little. This is still a serious piece after all and the effect you’re after is achieved with the verb ‘cooed’ anyway.
Really cool to see your sticking with this idea. It’s definately a good one. Abby x
memento 
Abby (LoA)