Pure amateur tosh.

thanks, bro

that’s a nice mystique you got going there

I don’t know what it means exactly but I like it a lot. There seems to be a lot going on though a lot of it is left hanging.

I like the lines on memory (maybe that’s all of them?) and it’s a cool change in pace from the previous three (which I also enjoyed, mind).

Heads up – There’s a rogue ‘.’ at the beginning of the final line, which I’m assuming is unintentional.

You’ve got an errant period before your last line.

I’m having a little trouble understanding this. Something’s definitely coming through, but it’s hard to understand what it is. Is his mother a prostitute, or is she meeting the same man again and again? Is the little boy the narrator, viewed through the lens of time, or a seperate character?

I like the addled feel.

the fogginess of memory and trying to make sense of the past

obviously his mother wasn’t there for anything good, but no exchange of money is alluded to though the thought of there being a schedule might have him drawing conclusions

as for the narrator, i need to get better at this but i was trying to leave it open to interpretation

The third paragraph doesn’t quite work, and I feel like it’s leading to some of the confusion. The line " What’s missing to him is context" is particularly awkward. I suspect it’s the narrator looking back on a younger version of himself and finding the younger-him almost unrelatable, but that doesn’t fully come across. Makes it a little too ambiguous, as to whether the narrator is some unmentioned third party or actually the boy.

I’m also not crazy about the story starting with the simple, unadorned “It’s a Tuesday.” “The room’s awfully green” would be a stronger opener, or maybe something like “It’s always Tuesday,” that hints at the depths to come.

Overall, I enjoyed this. There are lots of great little details and moments. But it doesn’t quite come together, just yet. I suspect the second draft of it will be really excellent.

the ambiguity comes from it being some sort of male figure related to the situation, and where i’m stuck is finding a way to keep it ambiguous without outright bringing in a word like context

I like it. I get the creepy feeling of a kid that does not understand or even cares what grown ups are up to. to bad it’s spoiled by Spageti’s batman junk!

Heypeople always say IT WASN’T CLEAR. Yet they were able to gather that she was a either a prosute or his mother was having an affair or working off her rent with a unscrupulous landlord or any other convienience the mind can fabricate. i think it points out an amount of apathy we have as readers. So let me say thank you for not force feeding me and jump starting my lazy mind.

Speaking for myself, saying it wasn’t entirely clear was a compliment!