Erhm, Mine. Ficly’s login is a bit weird sometimes.

wow, never read a story with a suicide in a church before. very unique and definitely kept my attention.

Well wrought, such color, and such a dramatic fade to gray at the end. The suicide is tragic, the pain deep, but the wash of color over everything makes this much lighter to read.

I’m going to be a wet blanket, but I’m having trouble with this story. Some of the language is well over the top and some of the phrases seem selected to put some distance between Caleb and his current situation, which doesn’t seem to be what’s wanted here.

I know what your intent is in your 1st sentence but that particular simile seems labored; violent and hazy don’t seem to be words that are compatible with each other; if he’s been praying for days then she is more likely to be in a bed rather than a cot (but the situation may dictate otherwise); your use of the word grace in the 2nd sentence seems to make the sentence ungrammatical; his person was disheveled seems far more passive than the situation demands; his troubles visually known seems an odd turn of phrase; I can’t quite parse allowed him respite from the clerical hours of worship and prayer but I admit that might be my problem; … I have more but comments have character limits too!