This is a sad story. I feel bad that the girl is so alone. There are a few things I would revise for how you worded some sentences but nothing that I think is NECESSARY.
Anyways, I like the ending sentences. makes it memorable.
I wouldn’t change anything. :) I agree with Infinity about the last lines really driving home the bitter coldness of what would have been a gentle and sad reflective piece.
Infinity.
ElshaHawk (LoA)