you’re not your..

The first line is so lyrical, long I on the fourth and then 5th syllables on every other line.

Ficly does see you! Maybe not the first time you write, but soon, if you keep going, you will be seen.

madness’s I’m pretty sure you don’t mean this grammatically (madness is, belonging to madness) Probably uou mean madnesses. Not that I like that word. I find the best plural of madness is madness. And I don’t much like the reoetition of that word since it’s not even the most powerful word in the piece. ( )

where ones feet go numb should be one’s. (belonging to one)

The transition between the creepy first half and the train of thought second half is iffy.

Obviously I’m not all mean. I understand your intro. I felt like that for years. Welcome to the site! I hope to see lots from you because the first line, as Elsha said, is so beautiful.

I also like No progression, no muse. (Although being a grammar nazi – as you can ^ probably ^ tell ^ – I’d place a semi colon rather than a comma.)

Sorry to be a grammar whore. I just find that once you perfect it, it’s so much easier to read and then one can focus on the glory of the piece rather than get tripped up by tiny errors.

No, thank you! Since my aunt passed my Jr year, I have NO clue when to add the semi colon over the comma, so thank you! Regression begets progression! ;) She was my greatest critic, so I appreciate a sight as this to help me get back to caring how to write.

Apologies for the lateness of my comment =) It appears that PJ’s beaten me with the grammatically modifications so I get the shiny version. Nice tag btw. Ficly does see you. Ficly sees everything. Tis the great god of literary sites. I loved the poetical air to it. I would suggest spacing it out a little (I’m a sucker for structure.)

I did like the capitalisation and, for once, I won’t beg you to change the number out for a number-word. It fits well in the casual context.

So…In case I haven’t said hi and welcome yet….um…hi and welcome =) Keep on writing and commenting, and you’ll be an expert scribbler again in no time.

Cheers for entering,
Abby x

…the "you can’t see me’ thing refers to the relationships people take to on internet. How some people online make an ass out of you by sharing trusts, then breaking that by turning on those we meet. That is something that recently effected me… perhaps I should reword what that sentence really meant, because its been taken out of…context? hmm! still not sure if that is the right word lol! But with that said, in short that “you can’t see me” being a dreadful attitude to take, is toward those who belittle on sites like Facebook, because some feel the right to go on …power trips…so to speak … OK NOW YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!! HAHA!

I just hope I never run into that on here!