The rhythm is a little erratic in some places but it’s still a very cool structure. I especially like the first four lines and the happy/sad theme. It’s great how you can cover so much subject with only fourteen lines and especially as you keep the comma placement so constant. Nice little break in the middle with the rhetorical questions. Good work.
Abby x

Amazing, I love this!

I like this. Though the rhythm doesn’t seem erratic to me. I got the feeling like the first half was being said all out in a rush until the questions, and then the second half felt more deliberate.
But thats just me! And even if I’m wrong, I still like it.

Even though the rhythm is a little bit erratic, I find it a very appealing poem because of its irregularity. The poem is very begging, as if the narrator is asking someone for help. Very nice.