Reading this backwards was a little awkward but that is often my life. This piece makes me feel that the one that follows is purposely stark. So that is another point for you. Again I have little in the way of criticism- young lips feels off to me but I don’t have a real reason just a gut feeling. I think ‘youthful’ would work better if you have the spare characters but no worries either way. The story manages to come off as romantic and cold at the same time.
Brebelles {LoA} 
Robert Quick