“Linda! You made it! I’ve missed you so-“

“Nuh-uh, back up.” She pushes him on the shoulders with two fingers on each hand. Her bracelets tinkle daintily. “I’m gone for five months, and you grow this stupid mustache.”
She flicks his carefully crafted slope of hair. “Looks like the end of a bird’s ass. Now turn around.” She spots a bulge in his pocket and reaches in.

“So you missed me too!” But instead of fooling around like he thought they were going to, she pulls out a pair of sunglasses.

“Put them on.” He waits for another request and instead gets “YOU LOOK LIKE SUCH A DOUCHE!”

“I get easy money though! I post pictures of what people wanna see, and the ad guys pay me money to put em next to the pictures.

“You had to go across the country to go to college for this? I thought you were sellin’ pot!”

“All the pot guys are up north, you think I’m dragging my ass out of bed every morning to water a bunch of plants? It’s Arizona. And besides, look at this. Cocktus. Comedy gold comin’ out of my ass here.”