Therapy Session #79

“There had to be a gap, you see.”
“Between what?” she asked, looking up from her notepad and staring me in the eye.
“Between life and death!” I said. “Not limbo; I’m not talking about a waiting room, a lounge where you’re stuck, not dead, not alive. I’m talking about a gap. Don’t you get it? In that gap, in-between life and death, everything would be answered. I would find God. Maybe He would find me. But I knew that that gap would mean everything.”
“So what did you do?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I began. “I had to kill myself.”
“First I intended to use the ladder. But the rope ladder had gone from the well.”
“How do you use a ladder to kill yourself?”
I looked at her incredulously. “Are you stupid?”
I didn’t wait for an answer.
“So I just jumped off a building.”
“Nothing. In the final moment, I just heard myself scream.”
When I finished speaking, a deep silence came to fill in the emptiness.
“So, God,” I said, standing up and staring right into her eyes, “Where the fuck were you?”

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