amazing.
morbidly relatable, at least to me.

great work!

Hi Fish, this is very moving, your last two lines should be trademarked.
Most poetry, which is pretty much a free frame to write in, usually follows a beat, like a march, one you set.

Your first section is excellent, consisting of 2 and 4 counts.

Your second would match the first perfectly if you removed “is”, it’s not needed and doesn’t change the message and brings the count to 4.

Your first two move like a heartbeat, try to make it end the same way. The reader’s eyes get use to the rate and travel, I would suggest splitting the lines in the last section, so one’s eye’s flow all the way to the end, don’t worry about the number of lines.

Hi Fish, this is very moving, your last two lines should be trademarked.
Most poetry, which is pretty much a free frame to write in, usually follows a beat, like a march, one you set.

Your first section is excellent, consisting of 2 and 4 counts.

Your second would match the first perfectly if you removed “is”, it’s not needed and doesn’t change the message and brings the count to 4.

Your first two move like a heartbeat, try to make it end the same way. The reader’s eyes get use to the rate and travel, I would suggest splitting the lines in the last section, so one’s eye’s flow all the way to the end, don’t worry about the number of lines.

the last two lines are actually from a song. they sounded familiar but they came out of my head, and then just a little bit ago i found the song they were from. accidental plagiarism. oh well.
http://youtu.be/leOH-2fdgSM

a clean slate can be accomplished other ways.. look at me going all ficmom!

very simple and conveyed well. :)