As much as I dislike suicide as a plot element, this was a lovely working of the lines into a coherent story. Their mood matches the mood of the topic. In the end there, I lost track. At first it seemed the boy was helping, then it’s the narrator? Did I miss a stitch, or was that an intentional melding of identity?

Yep, I have a hard time with these, you have a great grasp on the concept, gives me hope for my attempts.

I like the use of present tense and the concept overall (unlike the lads I don’t mind a bit of dramatic suicide in my fiction.) The narrator being a character to begin with was a little bit confusing, but the raw emotion in the second part made up for that.

Good job on getting the lines into the story. It actually works very well even though you’ve got it set in the modern day ’I’ll call 911’. Now I know you’re American as well! Structurally, could you separate the last line of speech from the former piece of narrative? Would make it more poignant.
Abby x

Thank you all!! I really appreciate your feedback. ^_