Lovely idea and a nice expansion and mythological continuation of the theme in the previous ficly. Really impressive and well thought out scope to it all, I thought. Also, very odd use of commas throughout most of it. I couldn’t tell if you were going poetic or trying to get across a rhythm. It wound up being distracting for me, with a lot of the commas seeming unnecessary or oddly placed.

I agree, I wanted to break up the items in the bag into segments, I thought it was more powerful. Maybe I can combine them somehow.

Completed. I may need to write “even out” or “round out” the body. But I’m happy with the way it it. I didn’t want to drown this in tea terms and phrases.