I enjoy your word choices. The dialogue needs some work. It’s hard to write dialogue and still try to show a distressful situation.

I agree. I’ll brush it up a bit. I have a few extra characters left I’ll distinguish between the thoughts in the dads head and the words that the mom says

This is good stuff, the tone and rhythm are compelling – a minor point though – you might want to keep the perspective the same – it’s confusing when Charlie’s dad suddenly changes to Camden and he’s the main character. Overall, I would say this is a good piece!

Okay, I see your point. But I already introduced the guy in a previous ficlet. With that in mind, should it still be clarified? And thank you both for the construction.