Was thinking about the scene in Twister where the gang go to Aunt Meg’s for steak and eggs. :)
The funeral line at the end.. I guess I wanted more mystery to her.. I’m not sure I like it.

The use of you and your through the first few paragraphs makes the story more idealized and less personal. The switch to I and my in the final paragraphs seems a bit inconsistent. In the past tense, she’s yours but in the conditional tense, she belongs to the reader.

Plus, judging from the title, I thought this was going to be a piece involving Spiderman. :-(

I like it, even if I was expecting an ode to a Spiderman character. It works and feels genuine. I think we all have someone in our lives we wish we could emulate more.

yeah i realized it much later that aunt may was in spiderman.. hmm.. also, thanks August for the editing notes, it was late when i wrote it.. time to EDIT! :D

P.S. Events are fictional.

It has a cold feel to it. House vs home sets the tone.

But I had one of them in my life, a safe place for a confused teenager, every neighborhood should have one. I’ll be thinking about mine, Colleen Cowan, for the next couple days.

A beautiful ode to an absent character, and, in many ways, a study of human selfishness. I liked the chronological development through the age of the character that led right up to the funeral. I didn’t get the Spiderman reference from the boys straight away so I thought it felt very personal indeed – although a little distanced by the facts and figures.

This is one of the rare times when I like the use of numbers in the text body. The structuring really adds to the layout. Why wouldn’t you like it? It’s great!
Abby x

@Abby i had it titled Aunt May, and that is peter parker’s aunt (aka spiderman). Thanks for the kind words!

@Abby, I totally thought of you when I first read this!

Haha, can’t say I blame you for changing the character’s name.

This is well written, the last line makes the whole piece suspenseful, and the tone is perfect. Just a slight note, in your third paragraph you use ‘if’, you might change ‘she gave’ to ‘she would have given’. Apart from that, a great piece, well done!

Fixed! Thanks. must remember that when i am pretending, not to break character!

This is really cute! And a great ode, but I do agree the mystery added at the end was misplaced.

Very good, nonetheless.