Interesting story idea you have here, I think this one could go places and I would be interested to find out where.

This is so good! Excellent choice of words, and it has a nice suspenseful flow.

Also, the way you structured this is perfect for multiple sequels, you might even want to edit it way down and create a challenge with this. But, I already consider it a challenge…

This is actually a much larger story that I already wrote so breaking it up into chunks is gonna be hard.

My main concern is that if I start putting it on Ficly someone might steal it.

Is this a rational concern?

Eric, I guess I wasn’t clear, apologies. I meant the base Ideas of your story would make a great challenge, I didn’t mean that you should edit this, sorry.

Ficly is Share Alike. If you don’t want to “share” this, then I suggest removing it.

http://wiki.creativecommons.org/Sharing_Creative_Works

Also, click the What does this mean? link underneath Publish On on the right hand side of this page.

Love it. But then you already know that, since I have read this before.