The opening line was a little too flowery for what ultimately should be a fast-paced tale. I would have simply opened with “I took a drag on my cigarette”, but then, that’s just my style.
Regardless, I like this; keep it roling.

Thank you for entering.

This is wonderful, a person who almost feels cheated, much less emasculated, because someone (had to?) help him.

I like this too because your characters are neither exposed as good nor bad, you leave that up to the reader.

I would like to suggest, Shards litter the floor. Should your last to be too?

Cheesy has some good points. But I feel the opening scene works great, the action is over. Your protagonist is either taking a break, or has come to a resolve that there’s noting more to be done, his situation is bleak, maybe close to giving up and unable to ask for help.

Cheesy also makes a critical point, one that is actually a great compliment: That cigarette smoke bleeding through sunlight and a broken skylight is the only beautiful (flowery) thing in your scene, now that’s excellent writing.

Finally, I don’t believe this requires a mature rating. I would like to suggest you chage it, there’s worse in cartoons.

Thanks for the comments. 32^2 I did try to make it a little more descriptive, and leave the action and motive to the reader. Thanks for pointing out the grammer, I changed the last too. I wanted to make sure with the mature tag and see how others felt about it.

Fun opening to a tale, with a woman of mystery and a man of action. Classic sort of gritty start, and well done at that.

This story has a skip start, I don’t know if that was intentional but I think that’s what Cheesy80s was getting at, too… with 1000 characters, I think you should focus on either the scene or the dialogue, but not both.

@Mark. great point, I never would have picked up on that. Maybe the smoke could be the main character, following it through the scene?