how do I
let go of something
that’s holding so tightly to me?

how do I disrupt
a perpetual childhood
with such serious
thoughts and notions
like suicide
and depression?

I’ll have to do it
eventually
I know that
I’ll have to
walk up to that
six-year-old me
sitting in the basement
playing with his hot wheels
and tell him the truth

about how I lost my motivation
and how I gave up on school
and how I gave up on life
and how I broke all the promises
that I made to myself

and how the world was crumbling
from the very, very start
and that soon you will feel hopeless
and helpless
but never worthless

because you’re smarter than yourself
and even if you do not win
you’ll live your life out to the fullest
if you only try to try

and then I will walk away
while my childhood stands tableau
and without any more effort from me
my naïveté will crumble
and subside
if not smolder
and maybe then
I will be able to talk.