Hmm, some potential here. I think I’m missing the tone, or maybe it’s just the mood I’m in. Feels a bit dry maybe?

Thanks for commenting! There’s definitely a point of view/tone that I was trying to achieve, although I’m not sure if I hit it. And although I think the title is cool I think it may be misleading, have to think on it a bit…

I think it’s an easy fix, introduce Del in the first paragraph, instead of the detective.

Detective (name), took in the scene (around/in front of him). He was trying to imagine where the body was before it hit the floor. Suddenly, Del’s old training partner yells “Reverse!”, in his head.

You changed tenses. I know what you were going for, but it doesn’t work well in short stories, you were trying to set the scene. But you need to do it though Del’s eyes, not as a narrator.

The rest of it is great, I love all the jargon, it’s full of mystery too.

I meant for the Detective to BE Del, but I see what you meant. I updated it slightly to correct it and reworded it to avoid the character limit, which allowed me to slip in another allusion. Bonus word score!