If I’m reading this correctly, there’s a sweet neuroses at play here. I’m catching a hint that this story takes place after the death of the protagonists mother as well.

Overall it was a fun read, but it didn’t really seem to go anywhere. It’s probably just my personal preference for actions rather than moments.

Also, “telltale” is one word and it’s a “four-post” bed.

Hmmm. I didn’t intend for that, [the hint of death] but I can see where you might get it from. The first bit is spot on though!

An interesting moment, very atmospheric stuff. The descriptive work is precise, very deliberate stuff.

Thematically, I thought it was a bit too understated. I saw where you coming from with the “everything is the same” repetition, but it wasn’t enough. Try and put it after every paragraph. Good work spacing out the “everything is different” though.

Technically, watch your commas. You’re too liberal with them in places without using them enough in others. For example, “I feel the muscles in my face widening, as I pick my little teddy up.” does not need a comma. Also, I feel like “It is no more than a millimeter or two wide, landing stark on my red bedding.” could be two separate sentences. It’s a quiet moment, you need to be very careful with your pacing and spacing. Also, I’d just say that the corners of your lips tilt up or whatever with adding the “I feel” at the start. You can’t see them tilting, it’s in first person!

Nice work overall, but not your best.

I like this. I’m not sure how old it is, or what it’s based off of, but I also get the hint of death, or coming back after a long absence to an empty house.

“Nothing’s changed, yet everything has.” ~ Blusparrow