Serrated Breastplates? Sounds like a patent in the making to me haha.

Other than that, this is a good idea, I think you should run with it. I would try and break up the text a little next time though. Instead of one big paragraph, have a couple smaller ones. It’s less intimidating to readers and makes things easier to read.

same same. really good idea, but need to clear up some execution details.

The POV changes between 3rd person and 1st person.
Also, he sits down in a hoverbus, and flashes back to his office… That needs a better demarcation, otherwise the reader might get thrown for a loop.