It comes in every bundle of plastic kitchen utensils. I saw my first one when I was little. It scared me. It is spoon shaped, but looks like the upper jaw of some strange creature, it’s blackened horse-sized teeth all ground down and curvy.

There’s ten teeth, and a gaping hole in the jaw’s palette. I always wondered what was supposed to be inserted into the hole. I would dig through the utensil drawer looking for the other half. But no matter how many drawers I sifted through, I never found the jaw’s missing piece.

Yesterday I saw someone finally use one, but I’m still unsure. She scooped limp pasta out of a pot, it’s steamy starchy water dripping back into the kettle. She seemed to know what she was doing, I married her a few years ago but never once saw her wield this particular kitchen tool.

I’m not too sure if I should tell her I’ve been using the damn thing to scratch my hairy ass.