“that makes me sound like a coward…” needs fixing. Conversationally, “hot” works. The second use, I’d find a different synonym. Otherwise good job!
I get a bit confused about why he’s grinning and suspicious at the same time; if these are meant to be two separate beats that’s not clear. I like the set-up though: this could end messily!
I get a bit confused about why he’s grinning and suspicious at the same time; if these are meant to be two separate beats that’s not clear.
I like the set-up though: this could end messily!
mark.i.wang
Sanglorian