i can see where you’re going with this. it seems very true and honest. however, if i were to make it a little better i’d take out some of the over-used type of language (“no drama”). also maybe i’d remove the part about her having crohn’s it seems contradictory to what you’re doing. over all though, i’m impressed and felt moved.

Solidly written. But it lacks feeling, that might be intentional. I’m not sure.

To temporary.balcony I fixed a couple of things, hope that helped.
To mark.i.wang yep I meant for that to happen.

I felt sorry for the girl, incapable of loving but without understanding why she can’t. It left me feeling a bit helpless too because at the end of the piece, she still has no clue as to why she feels sad.