please,
god,
i don’t need this
i can’t have this
not right now
not right here
i can’t stand to see suffering
i’ve already wallowed in my own for long enough

please,
god,
let me find an escape
let me be able to escape all of this reality
this perfect reality
that you have given so neatly to me
it’s too wonderful for anyone to realise

please,
god,
let me be able to escape physically
without having to drink myself to death
or get high
(but getting high
doesn’t let me escape well enough
anyway)

please,
god,
let me escape from all of this praise
and love
and appreciation
and all of these people around me
telling me what a wonderful person i am
and let me go
to a place
where i can be all alone
and dance in self-loathing
peacefully
and without interruption

please
god,
i desperately want to find you
somewhere
i desperately want to be able to trust
someone
i desperately want to believe in
something
but i can’t because i know too much about
everything
and it’s just too much
much too much for one child to
handle