very unique, very creative. i like the line breaks. there are some spelling and grammar mistakes, so you may want to proof read. really nice poem

as musicgirl says there are several errors. but it’s a great poem – really drew me into the emotion and story. Some great techniques going on there. Grammar would make it even better and much easier to read. You have a great sense of rhythm, a natural flow, and it feels as though it’s rhyming even though there is no rhyme-scheme. A natural poet my friend. =)