Welcome to ficly =) I loved the longest paragraph – the melting choc chip, the ‘efficiently, effectively’ was absolutely great. Sad little piece. Your title is good too, drew me in. I don’t think you need the two commas of lines 2 and 6. Also, in the last section I think you meant ‘stared’ instead of ‘started’. Nevertheless, a wonderful first story. I hope you stay =)
Abby x

This is a very good begining. Theres alot of places this could go in terms of why or how she is leaving well done

Thank you both very much! Edited based on @Abby’s comments. :)