Very exciting and definitely developed that sort of dream feeling to it as it progressed. Still a run-on here and there, though they kind of work towards that dreamy feeling. Meh, I’m undecided on that count, I guess. Hmm, now what does rice mean though?

I understand that this is based on a dream and that dreams have an inherently chaotic fuzziness AND that they begin to deteriorate upon awakening. However two things stood out. The first is the word traversed. It seems generic and doesn’t quite fit with the frantic tone of the story/dream. The second is the lanky female shouting orders. I don’t know if she is a teacher or some kind of government authority figure but I feel like either you would know her- even if just her name OR she deserves more description. OTOH, anything that inspires you to write is a good thing in my book- even if it is terrifying dreams. More writing from Elsha = YAY!

traversed.. hm.. in the dream it was more like floated, since in dreams, the scenes change around you, thus why i chose traversed, but you are right, let’s make it more .. movement/action oriented.
the female, I dunno, she was a stranger, but she must have stood for something.

THX, thanks again and I fixed some errors.