hee hee, ‘making literature’ literally. had a series with Alro613 a few years ago that would have tied into this fantastically.

I simply want more.

I am a little confused about Jeanette. Either Billy is calling this guy, the guard, by a lady name to zing him, or there’s another female guard, Jeanette, who Billy is addressing.

Otherwise your story is streamline and just the kind of thing I was hoping to read.

*whom

Or Jeanette is in the room with Billy and they are going to make literature… ?

There are only two characters- Jeanette (the protagonist) and the security guard, Billy.

I likes.

One small part, for me, is weird:

He didn’t hear anything

Could it be He hadn’t heard anything? It confuses me, like that’s what he’s thinking. But I also haven’t been reading much lately.

I think that must be the part that is tripping up Tad too. That is actually Jeanette’s thought. Maybe italics would help.

Alright with August’s and 32^2’s help, I’ve altered the second paragraph. Hopefully that makes it a little more clear.

Not a problem, Robert. “Remembet” looks vaguely French somehow.

Heh. Fixed.

I’d get rid of the first ‘up’ in the second line. The repetition threw me off a little.

I agree that this is a brilliant opener. It’s an interesting situation that creates a lot of questions. Love the literal take on the challenge. Very clever.